


Dismissals

by popfly



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Gapfillerpalooza, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-09
Updated: 2004-08-09
Packaged: 2017-11-09 06:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/452242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popfly/pseuds/popfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gapfiller for season one, episode two. Brian finds it's not as easy to dismiss Justin as he'd like it to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dismissals

When the trick asked who I was, I watched Brian’s face.

“No one,” he answered, and he looked serious. It hurt more than I ever thought possible.

After I stormed out of the building I stopped to lean against the light post. Not because I was hoping he’d come downstairs. I knew he wasn’t going to chase after me. He’d told me to get lost and he’d meant it. He had his bald, leather-vested trick to keep him company. So when I heard the door open and the slap of bare feet on wet pavement I shoved away from the pole and moved towards Daphne’s car.

“Hey.” I heard him call, but I kept walking. My anger was quickly fizzling into something that I didn’t want him to see. “Hey! I just left a complete stranger alone in my apartment to come talk to you, so don’t run away from me.”

I fumbled for the keys and tried to unlock the door but he slapped a hand against it to keep it shut.

“We need to get something straight.”

I stared at the brick of the building in front of me, willing my voice to come out even. “You don’t do boyfriends.”

He tapped his fingers on the car, leaning full against it despite it being covered in raindrops. “Oh, Mikey’s been talking to you.”

I didn’t want to break down in front of him, I didn’t want him to think I was some wimpy, naïve little faggot, but he was so fucking nonchalant. “You’ll fuck anyone,” I cried, turning my face up to his. “He’s ugly, you don’t even know him. And I,” I stammered, clutching at his arm. I could feel what little control I had slipping. “I really ...”

“Justin,” he interrupted. I gulped in a breath and dropped my hand. I was almost glad that he stopped me. I’m sure he wouldn’t have liked what I was going to say. “I’ve had you. What happened last night, it was for fun. You wanted me and I wanted you. That’s all it was.”

“A fuck?” I asked. I didn’t want to believe him. It was so much more than that. How could he not know it?

“Well what did you think it was?” I lowered my head. Probably he wouldn’t want to hear my answer to that either. “Look, I don’t believe in love. I believe in fucking. It’s honest, it’s efficient, you get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they’re in so they can get laid. And then they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with.” I sniffled, and squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to let tears fall. “If that’s what you want then go and find yourself a pretty little girl and get married.”

“That’s not what I want,” I said. Fuck what he wanted to hear. “I want you.”

“You can’t have me, I’m too o-” He stopped himself and clenched his jaw. “You’re too young for me. You’re 17, I’m 28.”

“29,” I corrected.

“All right, 29. All the more reason.” He moved away from the car, “Now go do your homework.”

I could feel my face crumple and I had to get away from him before I started to cry. I slid behind the wheel and twisted the key in the ignition, putting the car in drive and pulling away from the curb. I swiped at my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket and sniffled, trying to focus on the road ahead of me. I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw him standing in the street, watching me leave. I wondered how many times he’d given that speech and if he’d watched any of the others leave. He turned to go back inside just as I turned the corner, and I pulled over to the side of the street, unable to keep the tears at bay. I leaned my head against the steering wheel and sobbed.

*****

The speech was one I’d given a thousand fucking times before. It’d been delivered so often I could probably recite it in my speech. But this time was different. None of the others had cried, or rather, tried so damn hard not to in front of me. None of them were that young, that inexperienced. None of the others looked at me the way Justin did, with his big blue eyes wet and his fingers pressing into my arm. I never stood barefoot in the cold, wet street watching any of the others drive away. So why the fuck was I doing it now?

I watched him turn the corner and then I went back inside, took the stairs two at a time and tracked footprints across the floor to the bedroom steps. George was already sprawled out on the duvet, his clothes in a heap beside the bed. He watched while I undressed.

“What did you say to him?”

I cast a glance at the ceiling, wondering why the fuck this guy was asking questions while I was naked. “The same thing I say to all of them.”

“Do you think he’ll be all right?”

An image of Justin’s trembling chin flashed in my head. “He’ll be fine.”

“He was awful young. Were you his first?”

Another image, of Justin’s face when I first entered him. “Who are you, the fucking FBI? Can we get down to business?”

George shrugged and rolled over, and I cleared my head of everything besides the ass in front of me. But right before I came, when my guard was down, Justin’s face appeared again.

And this time I couldn’t dismiss it.


End file.
